Guys guide to “Crap! I have people coming over in 20 minutes and my place is a mess!”
This situation happens to me more than I would like, and such, have become adept at dealing with it. So I thought I would share.
Here’s how the situation goes for me usually, it’s a little past 2am and one of my buddy’s call me for some after hours drinking. “Hey me, and (insert a few various girl’s names I may or may not have met, but would like to impress or at least not repulse by my place) are in the area. You care if we drop by?” Or the girl I’m dating will call me and say “I was out doing stuff near you, can I come see you for a little bit?”
Since I like my girlfriends and I like drinking, I say yes to either request without thinking of the consequences. It’s only after I hang up and look around, I realize “Crap, this place is a mess!”
First, lets start with the difference between messy and dirty, because there is one.
If the stuff in your house would be classified as disorganized by the untrained eye (anyone’s but yours), your place is messy.
If the stuff in your house would cause others to become repulsed, ill, febrile, induce seizures, nausea and/or death, your place is dirty.
I only know messy, I can’t help with dirty. If your place is dirty why’d you let them come over? Call them back and divert them. Lie if you have to.
First step, Lysol/Febreeze. Women have a better sense of smell than guys, it’s a scientific fact. Lysol the air to clean up the smells you’re missing. If you don’t have Lysol, or you want to go the extra mile Febreeze the carpet. Don’t do the furniture, or if you feel the need to, at least go easy on them. 20 minutes won’t be enough time for it to dry completely, and you’re guests will wonder why their backsides are moist.
Second, clean the bathroom to look as pristine as possible. Women get disgusted by a dirty bathroom. No matter what the rest of the house looks like, the bathroom should be clean. First thing in here, the toilet. Wipe off and clean all the surfaces of the toilet. Get that little scrub brush you should own, and do a decent job in the bowl as well. Then flush.
Next, hit the sink area. Take all the junk off the counter and put it in a drawer or something out off sight. Scrape off gobs of toothpaste, and use a wet towel to wipe down the faucet, the counter-top, then the sink.
Last for the bathroom, take your wet towel from the sink and wipe the corners of the floor to get any stray hairs from shaving that might be there. Then get rid of that towel and put a fresh one in there.
Side story:
I was at this party once, at some guy’s house. This place was dirty, really dirty. For example, fruit flies lived in the sink, trash, and bathroom, and there was a sealed container of mini-donuts with mold growing on them in plain sight. Anyway, the women at the party were walking two blocks down the road to Seven-Eleven to use the restroom, then coming back to the party. Clean your bathroom.
Next pick up dirty clothes. Seeing your previously worn boxers sitting next to the fresh fruit in the kitchen might make some think twice about eating or drinking anything there. If you have to shove these in a closet and sniff test them later.
Next, store away anything you don’t want others to see. I shouldn’t have to mention what these might be, just hide them for now.
If you still have extra time, which you probably don’t, vacuum the main areas people will be in. You don’t have to do it real well, just enough to make the carpet pop up from it’s matted-down look. Just seems to look better that way.
Lastly, sit down and pretend you didn’t do anything. Open the door calm and collected like your place is always this decent looking.
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