Tips to girls about how to ask a guy out, from a guy
I miss the days of Sadie Hawkins dances in high school. It was nice to not have to do the asking for once. But looking back now, it’s depressing that we needed a certain dance to encourage girls to ask guys out. It should be more of a cultural norm in my opinion.
So you’re a girl that wants to throw centuries of cultural practices to the wind, and go against the grain? Good for you! Here’s some tips…
The situation: you’ve probably known this guy for a little while, you like him, but he’s not asking you out. Well it’s time to take matters into your own hands if you really want this guy.
First off, I know you ladies have certain outfits for certain occasions (i.e. your sexy outfit, your confident outfit, etc). Wear which ever one gives you a confidence boost the next time you’re going to see him, so all factors are optimal for you doing this.
You’re probably going to see this guy in a group setting, so casually try to get him alone. Ask him something like “want to come get fresh drinks at the bar with me?” or “I left something out in the car, could you walk me out there?” What ever excuse you can find to get him away from the group with you, take it.
The reason: you will feel more at ease asking him out without an audience, and he’ll say yes or no for the right reasons. The right reasons meaning, his answer won’t be affected by the group mentality. If you ask in front of the group, maybe he’ll say yes because he feels he should be polite. Or maybe you’re co-workers, dating is prohibited between you two, and he’ll say no because everyone will know even though he is interested. None the less, you don’t need the group silently weighing in on this decision.
Now that you’re alone, flirt with him. You should have been doing this anyway, and if you have been, lay it on extra thick. Bat your eyelashes, smile, laugh, find a reason to touch him. All the stuff you ladies already know how to do. If you’re lucky, he’ll take this moment to ask you out.
Now the time is right to ask. Be specific when you do this. Let him know this is intended to be a meeting between the two of you, not a group outing. “Do you want to get dinner with me Friday night”, not “I’m going out Friday night, want to come?” As guys we can get away with asking you out in a general sense, because you know why we’re asking. But since guys aren’t used to being asked out, you need to tell us what the intentions of the meeting are. And, well, sometimes we’re just clueless….
The delivery: Let the question roll off your tongue like you’re saying “where’s the restroom” or “what’s the weather like”. Don’t stumble over your words. It puts more pressure on you when you slip up, and confidence is attractive no matter who’s asking out who.
Now at this point, if we (guys) act a little shocked, just ignore it. We’re not used to getting asked out, it may take us a second to acclimate to the situation at hand.
Maybe you’re nervous (probably). Don’t answer your own question. By this I mean, don’t ask us out then instantly say something like “it’s ok if you don’t want to” or “well that’s ok, maybe next time”. He hasn’t said no, so don’t say it for him. There might be a pause in between your question and his answer, just like in normal conversation. The pause might feel like 10 minutes, just deal with it.
“But what if he says no?” At this point in the post, I want you to take a moment and appreciate what all the guys that have asked you out have had to go through.
Well it’s a risk you take. No guts, no glory.
If he’s says yes, well pat yourself on the back. You won! If he says no, pat yourself on the back anyway, you overcame your fear and broke a social taboo at the same time. Good job!
You’re lucky in the way that, if he does say no, he’ll probably do it pretty gently. Unlike the rejections we sometimes get from you ladies. Like a “no” in a harsh tone, or “no” in a disgusted tone, or laughed at, or laughed and pointed at.
If he’s rude about rejecting you, well you learned something important quickly about him. That he’s not worth your time anyway.
Now, if he says yes, get his phone number. Yes, you will be doing the calling, AND you’re going to pay for dinner. You asked us out, it’d be rude to insist we pay for dinner. Also, don’t ask us out to dinner, then get separate checks. That’s sending us some really mixed signals.
If you’re still too chicken to do the asking, at least make it REALLY easy for us to ask. Feed us something along the lines of “there’s this movie coming out this weekend that I’ve been dying to see, but no one else wants to see it with me”. We should be able to pick up on that one.
Good luck!
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